Le Temps des Rêves

Morgoth, Gorgoroth, Balrog

Lune a dit :

Il me semble que c'est toujours le même côté ça

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave… without the princess.

VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, fucks her again, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, and drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads its guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess’s bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year at the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the “HEAVY METAL” protagonist.

GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

GRINDCORE:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves.

INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

EMOCORE:
The protagonist's mother drives the protagonist and his friends to the castle. He kills the dragon with some awesome arm-spinning and spin-kicking while his friends observe the scene with their arms crossed; then the princess laughs at the protagonists ridiculous hairstyle and the boys leave weeping.

PUNK:
The protagonist hitchhikes to the castle, asks the dragon for some bucks, buys some cans of beer, gets pissed, insults the princess as “monarchist cunt” and “commerce bitch” and leaves the castle in a black maria.

PORNO GRIND:
The Protagonist arrives at the castle without any clothes on and grunts loudly for a few minutes. Then he fucks the dragon in every body cavity it has, kills the dragon, fucks the carcass the same way again, grunts loudly again for a few minutes, grabs the princess and fucks her in every body cavity she has, kills her and fucks her in the same way again. Then he piles up the dragon’s and princess’s remains, fucks them in every body cavity they have, grunts loudly and screams senselessly for a few minutes. Then he leaves.

POP ROCK:
The protagonist arrives in a limo. The dragon lets them in as long as they sign an autograph for its mom who is a big fan. The protagonist leaves with the princess and they get married.

GOTHIC METAL:
The protagonist arrives along with a cold wind of winter in the middle of the night, frustrates the heck out of the dragon until it dies of fear and desolation, comes to the princess and discusses how to clean make- ups without inflicting skin irritation.

METALCORE:
The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidentally knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in anger that someone messed up his dance routine.

SKA:
Our hero arrives joined by 45 ugly high school kids. They face the dragon with their skates. 23 die incinerated, 22 crushed and our hero and the princess, devoured by the dragon…

EMO:
Our hero reaches the castle, shouts at the dragon up to driving him mad. The dragon suicides when he sees life is worthless. The princess can’t hold anymore and suicides as well.

POP:
Our hero arrives dancing in a white suit. The dragon spits fire, and he dies incinerated…

REGGAE:
Our hero never arrives because he’s ‘tripping’

GRUNGE:
Our hero makes the dragon kill himself, the princess rejects our hero and he commits suicide…

HIP-HOP:
Our hero blinds the dragon with his excessive ‘bling’. Then he trades two women shaking their booty for the princess. The dragon accepts. Our hero has regrets and sends for his band to kill the dragon for racist…

RANCHERO:
They serenade the dragon, the princess gets jealous and kills the dragon, and then the ‘rancheros’ kill her.

CUMBIA:
Our hero arrives with 40 of his ‘wey’ s in a minivan, they all with accordions and rum. They get drunk and kill one another.

ELECTRONIC:
They throw a rave party and everybody dies of an overdose.

RUSTY EYE(¿?)
Our hero sues the dragon claiming that he had rights over that princess. Wins the lawsuit and escapes with the princess to LA to seek fame and fortune.

REGGAETON:
Our hero arrives with a convoy of luxury cars and a bunch of celulitic half-naked old ladies in a Hummer. Puts some of the women to dance to the dragon, but as he doesn’t like them, he eats one and dies intoxicated by the silicon in her breasts. Our hero reaches the tower but realizes that the princess had already left with the “Heavy Metal” hero.

BRAZILIAN AXÉ:
Our hero arrives with a whole carnival parade after him, ask the dragon and the princess to go dancing and after 10 days non-stop, both die and our hero leaves dancing with his ‘good vibe’

CUMBIA VILLERA(Sort of salsa(not making comparisons, salsa doesn’t deserve this), from the poor suburbs, with lyrics that generally speak about sex, alcohol, police and crime):
The guys arrive with the cheese graters and the hanging keyboard. The dragon passes out because of the cheap wine stench they have. And the princess comes out with a flamethrower tanker and kills them all.